Setting self care boundaries in perimenopause
Boundaries make self care easier…..eventually
I write this as we head into the school summer holidays. I have kids still in school, so the routine always changes in the school breaks.
And when the routine changes it’s easy to lose sight of our self care practices because they don’t fit in as naturally.
I might find I’m cramming working time into smaller chunks of time, that I have less time to myself, that my usual times for a swim, workout, or even meal prep, change. That I end up staying up too late so that I can get that valuable ‘down time’.
And this where your boundaries can help. Even when they are harder to implement to start with.
We can find them hard when we are used to looking after others.
We can find them hard when we haven't been taught to hold them. It can feel selfish or unfair.
Whether we are parents, partners, carers, employers, business owners, or citizens.
But they are essential to our self care and therefore to our wellbeing.
Boundaries can set us up for success if we're changing, or maintaining habits.
Sometimes a boundary is about saying 'No, I don't want to'.
Sometimes it's about setting yourself up for success - eg I will go to bed before 11pm.
Sometimes it's about saying what you are available for, eg to a needy friend or relative 'I'm happy for you to text me when you're having a bad day, but I won't always be able to respond until I have the time and headspace to give you my undivided attention'.
Sometimes it's about what you're not available for, eg to a demanding child wanting a holiday taxi service 'I'm happy to give you a lift to meet friends, but only on x, y or z day/time this week, and I need at least a day's notice to factor that into my plans'.
Sometimes it's a boundary around time eg. I will go for a 15 minute walk or workout on these days at 8am and this is my priority at that time.
They help well if you know where you’re going. So perhaps a good question to ask yourself is ‘How do I want to feel?’.
And, if we’re thinking about the summer holidays, perhaps we need to ask ourselves
How do I want to feel in September?
I know that I want to feel calm, centred and prepared for a busy month of work and settling the kids into a school routine.
With that answer, or intention in place it can be easier to work out what your boundaries might be.
For example:
I'd like to feel less overwhelm and more in control - do your boundaries need to be around making plans for the week and creating a simple-to-stick-to routine for summer days? It makes it easier to say 'no' to additional demands if you already have a plan!
I'd like to feel more energised - do you need to drink more water and make sure you're eating and moving regularly, well balanced meals to keep your blood sugar balanced and stay well fuelled? Do you need to create a boundary around your time to exercise - at home, in the gym or outside and make sure the rest of your household are on board? Making it clear to those around you that this is a non-negotiable.
I'd like to feel less tired - do you need to give yourself a regular bedtime, even on holiday, and get out into early morning daylight? Does your boundary need to be a specific time to switch off screens and start a bedtime routing?
I'd like to feel calm and centred - do you need to find some breath work practice (I love a box breathing or nasal breathing exercise for this), or delegate more at home/work, or do you just need to create boundaries around what you will and won't take responsibility for?
Want some help with creating a self care summer plan? I've got a super special offer for you to find clarity and take action! See the button below.
Do share with me the boundaries and actions you're planning to take. I'd love to know.
“Health is a key value for me at this stage of my life and working with Lesley is part of my annual MOT. Bubbly and energetic yet thoughtful and compassionate she knows just when to introduce paradigm shifting questions and new perspectives. Thanks to her I’ve learned to accept where I am on my journey with health and adopt new habits that not only suit me and my lifestyle but crucially have incrementally improved my mental and physical health! Don’t struggle on, connect with Lesley! She’s the James Clear of healthy habits for women!”